The Journey of a Submissive

Back Update...

2006-02-25T11:17:00.000-08:00

Well, i went to the docotr again this morning. They actually did x-rays on my back this time! i have no spinal damage, which is a good thing. It is just a pulled muscle. He gave me 2 more prescriptions, Ibuprofin and Loritabs. And i have to go back and see him on Tuesday, so that means no work for me until Thursday! i am relieved to hear that it isn't a major back problem. i was real nervous getting those x-rays and fearing what they would show me. So now to figure out how i am going to get paid for my missed time...

boy

Workers Comp Issues Suck....

2006-02-24T09:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, as you may know, i hurt my back at work Monday. It still hurts. Bad. i can't afford to miss work, yet here i am, sitting at home because i can't stand or sit for more thna half an hour at a time without the pain getting to me. And i can take a lot of pain. Now i am getting a headache to go along with my back pain.

First, does anyone know a lot about Worker's Comp issues? If so PLEASE e-mail me. There is a link in my profile. Maybe you can answer some of my questions i am posting here.

Question 1: i had to leave work early to go to the ER for my back. i ended up missing 4 hours of work, and was put on light duty for the rest of the week. Since i missed those 4 hours due to an injury that occured at work, and had to go to the ER, shouldn't i get paid for them? i was told that since i don't have any sick time, i won't.

Well, i guess that was my main question, the rest of my headache stems from the following:

The company i work for has one provider you have to go see for work related injuries. However, when i called today, they are no longer taking on new patients! What in the hell am i supposed to do now? The peron at work in charge of payroll and all that stuff has no idea what i am supposed to do. She gave me the number to the corporate office and i called, got transferred to an answering machine, and i left a message. Hopefully i will hear something back. The Er doctor told me she thinks i might have a herniated disc. The pain i described is usually associated with that, but all i got was a shot and some painkillers/muscle relaxants, and i was told that if i don't start feeling better by the end of the week to schedule a follow up appointment. Well, i don't feel any better, i feel about the same, probably a little worse, and i am trying to schedule a follow up appointment. But again, they are not taking any new patients. i have a boss who thinks i did this on purpose. i'm so angry right now i want to just break things. Why do things have to be so complicated? i just want my back to feel better so i can go on with a somewhat normal life. Why is that so difficult????

Addictions

2006-02-22T07:33:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not know, i hut my back Monday at work. i was picking up a heavy planter pot, and my lower back popped, and it felt like someone ran a knife into my lower back right at the base of my spine. i went to the ER, got a shot and a prescription for 2 painkillers/muscle relaxents: Flexoril and Darvocet. So far i have only taken them once, as soon as i got back from the ER. i am hesitant to take them too often, because, you see, i have an addiction problem. i have an extremely addictive personality. i have been addicted to cigarettes, carmex(that crap is hard to stop!), and alcohol in my time. i have flirted with gambling, but not too much, mainly in high school playing stupid games for quarters and dollars. But i never know when to stop. i always ended up with no lunch money. i also was an alcoholic. Or is it i am an alcoholic? Since once you become one, you never really stop being one. You are just in remission. Not to offend anyone who is in remission from such diseases as cancer, but that is basically what an alcoholic goes into. They never get rid of the disease, it just goes away for a bit, and you never know when it might reappear. i like the taste of beer. i like the taste of liquor. The good stuff. The cheap stuff. It doesn't matter to me, because i like it all. And i have a curse where i can drink till 3 in the morning, and be up and at work and be fine, no hangovers, by 7. So my drinking never affected my job performance. But looking back i think it did affect my life. As i have said many times, i really am a shy, quiet guy. All through high school i spent most of my time alone, at home, reading or playing video games. i rarely went out. i also think that was because i was also a much different person back then. If all of you knew me back in high school, you wouldn't recognize me now, and you probably wouldn't have spoken to me back then. But that is for another blog. When i got into the AF, in basic training i didn't have much of a choice, but to be social. When you live in a room with 60 people, no walls dividing you, privacy isn't much of an option. I think the most important thing i learned in Basic is that people actually liked me. It was an awakening somewhat, of realizing how many different people i got along with. i seemed to know who i could joke around with, who i could talk to, and who to help and who would help me if the situation arose. i made it through basic with out too many problems, and went on to tech school. i made more friends. Since my family lived the closest to base, it was not uncommon for me to bring 3 guys home for the weekend to hang out and get away from it all. That was also the first time i started drinking. My parents didn't mind that i drank, they felt that if i was old enough to serve my country, then i should be old enough to drink. So i did. And i discovered i had a "talent" for it. i didn't drink that often in tech school, tho. i was still young and worried about getting caught drinking under age that it was not something i made a habit of, plus i wanted to make sure i made it through tech school, which i did, no problems there, and i rarely had to study. That is another of my gifts, if i write something down, i remember it. It helped me later when i got my computer networking degree and got a 4.0 gpa when i was finished. I went to my first base, Eglin, and immediately made friends with everyone in my dorm. Then the drinking started to get a bit more serious. But it really wasn't until my last 3 or 4 months there that i started to think i might have a problem. i had gotten tired of getting called in to help everyone else at work fix the problems with the equipment we maintained, so i started drinking as soon as i got off work, so i could say, sorry, but i have been drinking, i can't drive. i didn't mind helping with problems some of the time, but i was honestly getting called every single day. i don't blame them for calling me tho, since i was the best. i bet now, after having not touched the equipment in 7 years, i would still be one of the best. Then i got stationed in the UK. And that is probably where i realized i was an alcoholic. I drank every single night, and not just a little. Often it was a 12 pack and a bottle of something. IT didn't matter what that something was, just so long as it had an alcohol content. I spent New Year's Eve in London. Don't remember any of it except getting on the tube to go to Picadilly Circus and then waking up the next morning in the hotel room. I had taken all the shelving out of my mini fridge so i could stack it from the floor to the ceiling with beer. And i always had at least 2 cases of beer waiting to the side to restock. The top of my fridge was covered in bottles of various types of alcohol. Even if i wasn't eating, i was drinking. I lived like that for 2 plus years. Then i got out of the military and went home, where i continued my drinking. Finally, one morning, after having drank myself to sleep i sat there and wondered just why i was drinking. i couldn't find an answer. So i stopped. Just like that. i didn't buy any more beer. i didn't buy any more liquor. i just stopped. That was 4 years ago. Now i am presented with a dilemma with these pain pills. i have heard they are addictive. i know i have an addictive personality. Should i take them as prescribed? Or should i take them only when the pain is really bad? i honestly don't know. i don't need any more addictions in my life. Looking back, i realize how lucky i was i didn't kill myself when i was drinking. Amazing, really, when i think about the sheer volume of alcohol i consumed in my life. So as i sit here, and my back is flaring, i look at these prescription bottles and wonder if they will gain a hold in my life or not. I shake the bottles, listening to the rattle of the pills. i open them up and look at the pills inside. i touch the pills. i shake a few into my hand and look at them closely, then i put them back in their bottles. i close the lids. i then open a bottle of tylenol and take 2 instead. Am i doing the right thing? Am i looking into this too much? i don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. But better safe than sorry...

Jason

i got a new bracelet today...

2006-02-20T14:49:00.000-08:00

i got it while i waited 4 hours in the emergency room after hurting my back at work. i was picking up a big ceramic pot, lifting properly like i am supposed to, but when i went to straighten up, i felt it popped and had a sharp pain in my lower back. i went and filled out an accident report, went to the ER, and was told it looked like i had a herniated disc at some point in my past and i just aggravated it. I got a shot, and a prescription for Darvocet and Flexeril.

What really made my day, however, was when i went back to work to tell my boss what happened. I explained what the doctor told me, about how i have to take it easy the rest of the week, about how i can't lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for the rest of the week. She treated me like i did this on purpose. When i first told her i hurt myself she acted like she didn't believe me. As i was leaving i told her i was going to the emergency room, she told me i had better bring back a doctor's note. I could hardly walk, where else was i going to go? my second job as a male stripper? And when i got back i got nothing but grief from her. i can't wait till she goes on vacation Thursday. She really is a Queen Bitch. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll get knocked over board, or maybe she'll go parasailing and the tow cable will snap and she'll go flying away never to be heard from again. One can only hope...

boy

The Music Soundtrack of my Life....

2006-02-14T19:36:00.000-08:00

i love music. If i where not able to listen to music, i think i would quite literally go insane. If i where to suffer an illness where i lost my hearing, it would devestate me. i think i could handle not being able to hear anything anymore, but i would still be able to see the beauty in the world. But to not hear music, would be the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me. i listen to so many different styles of music. i try not to tie myself down to one specific genre. In fact, i don't really look at music categories, i have come up with my own: Good and Crap. In fact, i don't relate past experiences to sites or general sounds, but to different music i was listening to at that moment. For instance, when my ex girlfriend left me, i was listening to Hoobastank's Unaffected , which if you look at the lyrics, it is actually very appropriate, since she told me she was leaving me and i let her live with me and sleep in the same bed with me for a week before she flew out to live with this other guy. Maybe i'll tell that story in another blog. When i was waiting for my first session with my Mistress, which was postponed because of Katrina, and other various issues that arose, the song that sticks out the most in my mind is Staind's Right Here. When i have been a long period between seeing or talking with my Mistress, the song that always pops into my head now is Nickelback's Savin' Me . Right now when i think about how i feel towards my Mistress, there are parts of songs that really stand out. One right now is one by Evans Blue, called Cold (But I'm Still Here. Parts of that really speak to me, especially the ending of the song. There are so many more songs that move me or speak to me. So many songs that make me cry every single time i hear them, and they are probably not songs you would expect to make me cry either, because i doubt many of you would think i listened to them. When i am not able to listen to music, while at work, i am always walking around singing to myself. And i have noticed that since i have quit smoking, my voice is getting a little bit better. You won't see me on American Idol anytime soon, but who knows, maybe i'll get serios about learning to play the guitar, after i finish my book that is. Speaking of writing my book, i can't write without music. i have tried, and i just can't do it. my fingers just move better across the keyboard with music playing, my brain goes on Auto Pilot and the thoughts just flow so much cleared from my brain to my fingers. I can't sleep to music, however. Because there always seems to be a song coming on right as i am about to drift off to sleep and i'll think to myself, "oooh! Good Song!" and sing along. So i don't listen to anything when i am trying to sleep. So how many of yo have a soundtrack to your life? Not just generic music for things that have happened or are hyappening in your life, but Actual songs that bring back specific memories about people, places, and things in your past? You name a song and i can probably tell you a specific memory of something i have done that the song reminds me of. Alice Cooper's Poison? One of the best lap dances i have ever gotten in my life. Dire Strait's Money for Nothing? Spending a summer with a buddy when i was a kid just riding our bike around the neighborhood, playing baseball, and exploring the creek and the woods around our houses, always with a boom box playing that song. Every song just about has a specific memory attached to it. Music is very much a part of who i am, and who i will be. As much as i like writing, i think i like music more. It's just who i am. i lose myself in the music, singing aloud, really feeling the music as it flows through me. i can't help it, and i wouldn't change it for anything.

boy

The links to the song lyrics posted throughout this blog post are courtesy of Lyrics Directory. Check them out, they have TONS of lyrics posted for TONS of bands.

Today...

2006-02-13T14:55:00.000-08:00

...my Mistress sent me flowers where i work! i was totally not expecting that. She did ask for my work address the other day while we where talking, and i gave it to Her, but i never thought She would send me flowers! i have never gotten flowers before, from anyone or for anything, so it was quite a shock. It was very cool, tho i did have to make sure no one else i worked with read the card, since She signed it Mistress. That could have caused some interesting questions! i am so happy right now. And i confirmed that i am going to be off the 25th, so Mistress and i will have a long session that day. i can hardly wait!

boy

More pics of me, Part 3

2006-02-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

me with my ball gag in...

More Pics of me Part 2

2006-02-12T20:30:00.000-08:00

Another View....

Some more pics of me....

2006-02-12T20:29:00.000-08:00

Me in a floral nightie...

Today i...

2006-02-12T20:07:00.000-08:00

...started writing again! i got the first 3 pages of what is sure to be my bestselling epic fantasy dwon on paper, so to speak. And i made backups. But i have the writing bug again, and the ideas are flowing wonderfully right now. Just load up a playlist on Windows Media Player and open up Word, and start banging away at my keyboard(with my fingers, you pervs!). So far i am really happy with what i have written. The trick is to not go back and reread any of it till i am done, or else i wil want to start editing it right away, and that is bad. So now the pattern is set. i will write some more every day, whether i want to or not. And hopefully by the beginning of next year i will be a published author!

boy

780...

2006-02-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

birthday spankings is what i am going to receive when my Mistress next comes over. 65 per item, and She has 12 items, not counting the Cow Whip, and counting Her leather paddle twice, once for the smooth side and once for the studded side. Of course this all depends on whether or not i can handle that many lashes and whether or not She can give out that many, tho i am hoping to get all 780 in... If i am able to take all of those, and She is able to give me all those, then, assuming i am able to walk, we will tehn go to my shed and She will give me 65 with Her Cow Whip, since i have the room out there for Her to swing it. If we are able to do that, i will have received 845 lashes. i know that i will be more than happy to be off the following day, since i probably won't be able to sit or even walk the next day! Hopefully this will happen in the next couple weeks, and when i does i'll be sure to tell you how i did, and maybe even post a pic or 2 of my butt afterwards....

boy

Last Night i...

2006-02-12T09:32:00.000-08:00

...Masturbated for the first tmie since December 26th. my Mistress, Mistress Gabrielle, told me after our last session before She left i could masturbate once ro twice depending on how far apart our next session was going to be. i was hoping She would be able to come over yesteray, but She was unable to. i had been holding off till after the next session, which is going to be a long one. Plus, i am going to get our birthday spankings during the next session. Yes, our birthday spankings. Mistress had her birthday at the end of December, and mine is Wednesday. 34 spankings for hers, and 31 for mine, for a total of 65. And if i am not mistaken, i think we agreed it would be 65 with each implement she owns. Which is a lot of spankings! But i can hardly wait! But back to last night. i was over at my parents house and had just finished doing my laundry and was getting ready to leave when there was a knock on my parent's door. i opened it and there where 2 girls i work with. Who i think are hot. Who i wouldn't mind hooking up with if Mistress where to allow it, either one at a time or both at the same time. They where coming over to pick up their Mardi Gras gowns that my mom was fixing for them. And they looked GOOD in their gowns! So the drive home i couldn't get them out of my head. I got on the Blogger Chat room and talked with the people there for abit, and the conversation was interesting... piercings, whips, rope bondage, a typical conversation for the chat room :) Well, when i went to bed i was still pretty turned on at seeing the 2 ladies i work with, so i decided i had a freebie, so i would masturbate. However, instead of thinking about them, i thought about my past session with my Mistress, and anticipating the next session with Her. i have a 15 minimum wait period before i can cum when i masturbate, which now, even without coming in such a long time, is not difficult for me to maintain. So there i was, laying there in bed, remembering the feel of the cane and anticipating the feel of the paddle. Eventually, about 20 minutes later, i came. And did i cum! i can't remember the last time i had ever cum so much! my stomach and chest where covered, and i had one shot that flew up and hit me in my chin. Now i am back on my restriction until Mistress tells me otherwise. But that is ok with me. i'll do anything to make her happy!

boy

It's Friday Night...

2006-02-10T22:55:00.000-08:00

...and i actually had people over! 3 People i work with came over to hang out and play video games. 2 of the three where drinking and it was fun being able to observe really drunk people instead of being the really drunk person. i had a great time, and i look forward to doing it again. Hmmm, maybe i am getting a life outside the chatrooms!

Reflections as my birthday approaches....

2006-02-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

my birthday is next week. Wednesday, February 15th. i missed being a valentines baby by one day. In fact, out of me, my brother, and my sister, i am the only child not born on a holiday. my sister is a New Year's Baby, and my brother was born on Thanksgiving. Ironically, so was my Dad, tho 2 days later. Usually i dread my birthday, since bad things seem to happen on it. My brother was arrested twice on my birthday. One of my Grandfather's died on my birthday. When i was living in the UK i was told on my birthday that my other Grandfather had died. My brother burned the field down behind my parents house, burning half the privacy fence with it another year. So as you can see, i normally dread my birthday. But not this year. i have had so many positive things happen in my life, and i think the reason for that is because i found Mistress Gabrielle. She has been such a positive influence on my life. i owe so much to Her. Never have i been this open about who i am. 7 motnhs ago, before i met Her and became Her boy, i never would have posted the pics i just did. i would never talk with people as openly about my life as i do now. i owe so much to her... she is the best thing to ever happen to me...

boy

Pics of me, Conclusion

2006-02-09T19:52:00.000-08:00

...and a third and final angle....

Pics of me, part 2

2006-02-09T19:51:00.000-08:00

another view....

Pics of me....

2006-02-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

...in my red babydoll nightie...

Why am i not suprised?

2006-02-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

i decided to do the artist thingy, and i was not at all suprised to see who should paint my portrait.

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait.
And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Have You Ever Noticed...

2006-02-04T08:01:00.000-08:00

That the more time that passes between the time you where able to last speak to or see someone you really care about, the more you miss them? i feel that way about Mistress Gabrielle all the time. Due to our circumstances, there are times where we can't talk for extended periods of time. This is one such occasion. It has been nearly a week now since i have last been able to speak to Her, and the longer the passage of time gets, the more i miss Her. i've said this before many times on my blog on the "other" site, but i can't help repeating myself. It helps me somehow, therapeutic in a way. But i care for Her a great deal. She means the world to me, and i'm not just saying that. When She comes over, and after a session, when we are just talking, it is all i can do to keep up my end of the conversation. i am more than content to sit there and just look at Her. To be in Her presence. She is amazing. She has taken me to places i never dreamt i would go, and we still have a long journey ahead of us, with many things i would like to try, and many things She wants to do. i told Her once that she is my focus. Anytime things seem to be going against me or not going my way, all i have to do is think of Her and things sharpen for me and the world doesn't seem quite so bad. i would really be lost without her. i was recently asked what would i do if She ever decided to stop seeing me. The question caught me off guard, since this is something i don't ever want to think about. But i did, and i came up with a response, that surprised the question asker. "I would probably Switch and become a Dom, if i decided to pursue the lifestyle at all anymore." The reason is i don't know if i could ever find another Mistress to replace the one i have now. i don't know if i would even wan to try. It took me forever to find Mistress Gabrielle, or close enough that it seemed like forever. And we met mainly by chance. i had given up my search for a Mistress. The only reason i stuck around Alt was that i had discovered blogging and found that i liked it. Then i came across Mistress Gabrielle's blog, and started reading it. i really enjoyed Her blog. i made a few comments. She replied. Then She made a few comments on mine, and i replied. Then one morning i wake up and i had an e-mail from Her. We started chatting and the next thing you know, She is my Mistress. i truly am very lucky. i know not everyone gets to experience this, and i am very happy to see some of my fellow bloggers, BostonBoi and Spring beginning to experience the same things i went through when i first met Mistress Gabrielle. i hope the feelings they are having now continue to grow and expand, much as mine have done. It is truly amazing to finally find the One to serve. i really can't describe the feelings i had and the feelings i still have. The more i talk to Her, and the more i see Her, the stronger those feelings get. i can only hope these feelings never end, or if they do have to end, that ending is still some distance in the future yet.

boy

E-Mail

2006-02-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

Also wanted to let you all know that i added an e-mail address to my profile, so if you ever need to ask me a question and don't want the world to know, feel free to drop me a line.

boy

General Happenings...

2006-02-03T19:43:00.000-08:00

First off i'll start with a restriction update. Sunday, when Mistress Gabrielle came over for a session, afterwards She told me that i could cum once or twice depending on how long it was between Her visits. Well, i still haven't masturbated. i'm not sure why, but i just haven't felt the urge to do so yet. Tho i am thinking it will be soon, unless i screw up and get in trouble and am put on restriction before i can achieve an orgasm...

Since i am now allowed to wear panties again, i will soon be posting pics of me in various panties on this site. Hope noone minds a slightly pudgy guy wearing small panties...

Other than that not much else has been going on. Looking forward to being off Sunday, so i can relax... and i think there is something on TV i wanted to watch... what was it, oh yeah! The Super Bowl! And probably West Wing if it is a new one. Other than that nothing major has been going on in my life. i am just happy to have my PC back, and i can't wait to get to talk to my Mistress again and get to see Her again. Her next visit can't get here soon enough.

boy

100 Things

2006-02-02T19:03:00.000-08:00

Mistress Gabrielle Tagged everyone, so now that i have my PC back i guess i should do the tag...

Rule 1: You can only say yes or no.
Rule 2: You are NOT allowed to explain anything. {If you want to ask I might explain.}
1. Taken a picture naked? Yes
2. Painted your room? Yes
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? Yes
4. Drove a car? Yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes
6. Have a crush? Yes
7. Been dumped? Yes
8. Stole money from a friend? Yes
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? No
10. Been in a fist fight? Yes
11. Snuck out of your house? no
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
13. Been arrested? No
14. Made out with a stranger? Yes
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? No
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? Yes
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? No
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
20. Seen someone die? No
21. Been on a plane? Yes
22. Kissed a picture? Yes
23. Slept in until 3? Yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
26. Made a snow angel? Yes
27. Played dress up? Yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? Yes
29. Been lonely? Yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? No
31. Been to a club? Yes
32. Felt an earthquake? Yes
33. Touched a snake? Yes
34. Ran a red light? Yes
35. Been suspended from school? No
36. Had detention? Yes
37. Been in a car accident? Yes
38. Hated the way you look? Yes
39. Witnessed a crime? No
40. Pole danced? Yes
41. Been lost? Yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? No
43. Felt like dying? Yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
46. Sang karaoke? Yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
50. Kissed in the rain? No
51. Sang in the shower? Yes
52. Made love in a park? No
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes
54. Glued your hand to something? No
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? No
57. Been a cheerleader? No
58. Sat on a roof top? Yes
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? Yes
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? Yes
61. Played chicken? No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? No
64. Broken a bone? No
65. Been easily amused? Yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? Yes
68. Cheated on a test? Yes
69. Forgotten someone's name? Yes
70. Slept naked? Yes
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? No
73. Blacked out from drinking? Yes
74. Played a prank on someone? Yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? Yes
76. Made love to anything not human? No
77. Failed a class? Yes
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? No
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? No
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? No
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? Yes
82. Thrown strange objects? Yes
83. Felt like killing someone? Yes
84. Felt like running away? Yes
85. Ran away? No
86. Did drugs? Yes
87. Had detention and not attend it? No
89. Made a parent cry? Yes
90. Cried over someone? Yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? Yes
92. Dated someone more than once? No
93. Had/Have a dog? Yes
95. Own an instrument? No
96. Been in a band? No
97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? Yes
98. Broken a CD? Yes
99. Shot a gun? Yes
100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends? Yes

Pic of me in my Tux....

2006-02-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

Here you go, Bond has nothing on me!!!!!!

i'm Back!

2006-02-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

i got my PC back today. Finally. my system restore disks where messed up. The place i took it to was able to get it back up and running using a Service Pack 2 disk and doing a system restore. Cost me 75 bucks to get it fixed. But, that got me to thinking... what would happen if my PC crashed again? How would i get it back? Would i have to fork over 75 bucks everytime i needed to reinstall something? So i sucked it up and bought Norton Internet Protection and Norton Ghost. The main thing i wanted was Ghost, so i can make an image of my hard drive and restore my PC from that image should this happen again. But let's hope it is good to go now.

The only other thing of importance to have happened recently was that i was told that i am not going to get the Co-Manager's position. Instead they are considering me maybe for an Assistant Manager's position. So i guess the time has come for me to start saving money and looking for a job in Pensacola on my own now. When i left my last job, i decided then and there that i wasn't going to allow myself to be manipulated and screwed with about possible promotions/positions being available. If the person i was working for decided that they wheren't going to try and promote me within the company, i'll look for a better job without, and make sure i look after myself. Besides, if i don't look out for me, other than my Mistress, who else will?

Till next time...

boy

Tuesday

2006-01-31T18:06:00.000-08:00

Tuesday was not a bad day. On the whole was pretty decent. Still no word on the promotion, but i am starting to pester my boss on that issue. If i am not going to get the position and be allowed to move Pensacola, then i'll do it myself.

On a side note, i got to meet a person i had chatted with on numerous occasions, but had yet to meet. Renegade came into my store today and we where able to talk for about 15 minutes or so. He is a realy nice guy, and is just as nice in person as he is online. Was good to mee thim!

Till next time...

boy

Mondays

2006-01-30T16:08:00.000-08:00

Oddly enough, today was a decent day. Work was decent, tho i still haven't heard anything about the position in Pensacola, where my Mistress lives. i am hopeful to hear something soon, but i am beginning to wonder. So it is time for me to start saving for moving there on my own. Begin the process of looking for a job and a house and moving the considerable amount of STUFF that i own.

Today was also the day after a session. i heal quickly, so i am not too sore, but there where a few times at work that i rubbed something against my butt and it stung quite a bit. But i'll make it through with no problems. i look forward to our next session, hopefully in 2 or 3 weeks. i have learned that i really need these sessions. Not want them, but need them. i crave the kiss of the cane, crop, or whatever She decides to use on me. i need her pinches. i need to be able to kiss her feet. i am whole when she is with me, and i feel not empty or hollow, but diminished when she is gone. i really can't wait till She can come over and see me again...

Till next time....
boy

Sunday With my Mistress

2006-01-29T16:45:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning my Mistres was able to come over for a few hours and we where able to have a short but very intense session. She asked me what i would like to start with, and of course i picked the flogger. There is something about the flogger that i just like. The sharp sting then the slow burn, it relaxes me so much, yet it hurts at the same time. i bent over the kneeling stool i made, and then She started slow, but picked up in intensity rather quickly. i think this was the hardest She had ever hit me with the flogger, tho it maybe that we had not been able to have a session in over 3 months. i am not sure how long She hit me with the flogger, but eventually She went to the paddle i made for Her. It is fairly large, solid and heavy, and i sanded it smooth, filled in the cracks with putty, sanded it again, then stained and verathaned it. i also made 2 spreader bars, 3 feet long, and stained and verathaned them as well. She used the paddle on me for only a short time, but it hurt. Then She switched to the cane, giving me hard sharp swings with it and then hitting me repeatedly in the same spots with short flicks of the cane. She then got one of the zippers i had made and atached the clothespins to the welts on my butt. She then started flicking the clothespins with Her cane and flogger, occasionally hitting me above and below the clothespins with a full swing. She then had me count to 3 and on 3 She ripped the zipper off. She then started pinching me. She really wanted me to say ouch or ow, and eventually i did. She then went to Her leather paddle and told me to count, and that She wasn't going to stop until i said ouch. i said ouch after the 15th swing. She then repeated the process with Her cane, and this time i managed to wait until the 20th swing before i said ouch. By this point i was breathing heavily, and dripping with sweat. And that was how our session ended. We then sat and talked for awhile, and she opened the birthday presents i had gotten Her, while sitting on my back while i was knelt over kneeling stool. Then after about another hour or so of talking, She had to leave. Hopefully we will be able to get together again within the next 3 weeks or so, for a longer, more intense session.

i also earned the privelege to wear panties again! YAY!!!! and depending on when She is able to come see me next, i can grant myself release either one or 2 times, at my choosing. Once i get my PC back i'll post a few more pics of me in my panties. Till next time....

boy

my Night at the Ball

2006-01-29T15:36:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to say i had a great time at the ball. i got all dressed up and i even danced some. It was a small ball, not a lot of people which was nice, since i don't like big crowds too much. i'll definately post a pic or 3 when i get them back. Till next time...

boy

my Restriction

2006-01-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

i am still on restriction. But it is not a big deal. i have had no problems resiting the urge to masturbate and have an orgasm. It has now been over a month, and i still haven't had many difficulties. Things are going well for me, and i am adapting to not being able to have an orgasm. i don't know if i am just different, but it really is not a big deal for me anymore. To be honest, the more i think of it, it was never really a big deal if i came during sex or not. i was always more interested in making sure my partner was satisfied, and i much prefer going down to either intercourse or having someone else going down on me. i don't know why i am this way, but i much prefer to lick a woman to orgasm(s) or go down on a guy than anything else, tho i will admit i do enjoy getting anal as well. Till next time....

my Plans for Today

2006-01-28T08:30:00.000-08:00

Today should be a nice day. Already today i stained and verathaned 2 spreader bars and a paddle for the next time my Mistress is able to come over(i am really hoping it is tomorrow. It has been too long since i have last seen Her). Now i am over at my parents house waiting for my dad to get back from the grocery store, so i can help him make some repairs to his roof. Then tonight i am going to my first ever Mardi Gras Ball. It should be interesting, since i have never been to one before. i am looking forward to it. i'll be sure to post pics of me in my tux so you can all see how great i look! Then either sometime today or tomorrow morning i need to vacuum. i just hope my Mistress can make it over. it has been over 3 months since our last session, and over a month since we where last able to see each other in person. i miss her so much, it actually hurts sometimes. Well, that is all for now, i'll be sure to post some more tomorrow to tell you how things went at the ball, and how my session went, if i am able to have one. Till next time...

BDSM Weddings

2006-01-27T18:36:00.000-08:00

Durng a recent chat session with several friends, we got into the discussion of weddings among D/s couples. Someone mentioned that a Domme and her sub got married, and the sub too Her last name. i have thought about this quite a bit, and i realized if i where to ever marry a Domme, if i ever get married, i would be willing to take Her last name if She wanted me too. i was wondering how many others out there feel the same way i do. How many would truly do anything to pease their Domme? Hell, i would probably wear the wedding dress if She asked me too. Just o9ne of the random thoughts that goes through my mind peridiodically. Till next time...

boy

Apology

2006-01-27T16:27:00.000-08:00

Since i probably will never go back to that "other" site, i wanted to make an apology here to anyone i might have offended when i got into it with that certain individual. I tried to get cute and failed miserably. I should never have said what i said about TGs. i'm not going to go into my reasons behind the comment, i just know it came out wrong. If i offended anyone, and i know i have, i am truly sorry. My only intention was to poke fun at that certain individual on the other site, and that is all. i got carried away and wrote something at the end of my comments as a last second addition, and it came out wrong. If some of you decided not to read me anymore because of that, i am sorry, but i understand.

General Happenings in my Life

2006-01-25T14:57:00.000-08:00

Finally was able to take my PC into the shop. The guy told me it was either RAM or Hard Drive, like i thought. He won't be able to look at it and fix it until next week, the cost is all that remains to be determined.

i went and got fitted for a Tux today. i am going to a Mardi Gras Ball Saturday and i have to wear Tails. i'll make sure to post pics of me in a Tux, so you can see what i look like, if interested. Personally, i think i look like James Bond... pick whichever you think is the sexiest.

Other than that not much else has been going on. We finished inventory at work yesterday, so that headache is out of the way. Still no word on whether or not i will get to move to Pensacola, but i am still hopeful. If not i'll start flooding the town with my resume and get something that way. Only time will tell what happens,, but i have more confidence now than i ever did, so things can only be good for me.

Till next time...

Update

2006-01-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

Still no PC. i was going totake it in today to get fixed, but i never had the chance, had a long day at work, and tomorrow will be even longer. So maybe i'll get a chance to take it in on Wednesday. I hope. Not that i can afford to get it fixed right now. Hopefully it won't cost so much and i can borrow the money from my folks as an early Birthday present. We shall see. Till then i will try and keep you all updated on my blog, and i will be stopping in to chat on Yahoo periodically to see who is on. Hope to chat with some of you soon.

boy

My PC is sick

2006-01-22T17:04:00.000-08:00

My PC is sick. I either have a bad hard drive, some bad RAM, or my restore disks are FUBAR'ed. I'll be checking in on and off at my parents house till i get my PC fixed, so i won't disappear completely, but it will be hard to chat and stuff with my parents in the same room as me :) Take care of yourselves.

boy

10 Years

2006-01-21T13:25:00.000-08:00

This new CD i got is Awsome! 10 Years - The Autumn Effect. Of course, i realize it is not everyone's kind of music, but it is kick ass(said in my bestest Cartman voice). Check it out of you get a chance.

10 Years is their web site, if you are interested...

boy

Random Question...

2006-01-21T13:16:00.000-08:00

Those of you who read my blog may or may not know that i like to wear women's lingerie. i especially like the feel of a nice satin thong and a pair of thigh highs. But what i am wondering about is high heels. i'm a fairly big guy, at 6'6" and around 240, tho the wieght keeps coming off, which i am very happy about. my question is do these shoes have a weight limit? i would hate to buy a pair of them and the first step i take the heels snap off because i weigh too much. i was told to probably stay away from any stilettos, which is probably a good idea. i was just wondering if any of you have some advice or opinions on the subject? And any idea where i can buy them in size Small Boat(or 15, if you need a number size :P). Thanks for your advice :)

boy

Restriction Update

2006-01-21T12:51:00.000-08:00

First, i guess i should fill all my new readers in on what exactly my restriction. i am not allowed to orgasm without my Mistress's permission. The only exception to that rule is if this TGirl i see on and off comes over, then i can have an orgasm with her. i was last allowed to have an orgasm on December 26th. i had gone 3 weeks prior to that since my last orgasm. i know this will probably sound weird, but it actually does not bother me to not be able to orgasm. i would much rather wait and see my Mistress than cum. She means that much to me. So now i simply wait to see her. i don't beg or grovel for permission to cum, i just deal with it and live my life. i don't know what my secret is, other than i am at peace with myself and it really doesn't amtter to me. i'll be sure to keep you informed on how this is going as well.

boy

What a day!

2006-01-21T12:35:00.000-08:00

Well, nothing really exciting happened, actually. Now that i think about it, it was kind of boring. i went in to work, on my day off no less. Only stayed for about 5 hours, enough to put me at 50 hours for the week(man, do i ,love overtime!). Then i went to Barnes & Noble and bought a few books(the new one by R.A. Salvatore and the new one by Mathew Reilly). Then i went o BEst Buy and bought the 10 YEars CD, because i really really really like the song Wasteland. And the whole CD is good too! So bonus for me! Then i came home, made a few comments on the "other site" (i am sure i ill be a topic of discussion for quite some time now :) ). Now i think i am going to play some video games, and probably chat some more later today. Till next time....

boy

I was Tagged!!!

2006-01-20T18:56:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Beth and Mi3

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1) Department Manager at a book store
2) Electronics Technician in the AF
3) Customer Service Technician in the AF
4) Hmmm, wow, have only had 3 jobs.....

Four movies I could watch over and over:
1) Sin City
2) Lord of the Rings (all three)
3) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
4) Legend

Four places I have lived:
1) Mobile, Alabama
2) Chicago, Illinois
3) Mildenhall, United Kingdom
4) Destin, Florida

TV Shows I Love To Watch (currently on air):
1) Lost
2) Smallville
3) 24
4) West Wing

Four Places I Have Been on Vacation:
1) Phoenix, Arizona
2) London, United Kingdom
3) Oriskany Falls, NY
4) Grand Rapids, Michigan

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
1) www.ChicagoSports.com
2) Blogspot - To read all you kick-ass people.
3) That "other place"
4) www.comics.com for my daily fix of Get Fuzzy

Four Of My Favorite Foods:
1) My mom's Enchilladas
2) My mom's Lasagna
3) This chicken thing i make
4) Steak

Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
1) Pensacola, Florida
2) Anywhere in Austraulia
3) Hawaii
4) Chicago, Illinois

Four Bloggers That I Am Tagging:
none, since all of you have already been tagged!!!!
But, since i am not tagging anyone, i will add a bonus category, so you all don't feel cheated...

Four Books I Can Read Over and Over
1) A Prayer for Owen Meany, by John Irving
2) The Gunslinger, by Stephen King
3) The Sword of Shanarra, by Terry Brooks
4) Wizard's First Rule, by Terry Goodkind

Inventory sucks...

2006-01-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

We are getting ready for inventory at work. Of course, the moron who decided to have inventory done company wide less than a month after Christmas needs to be shot. My boss is stressing out, jumping down everyone's throats, expecting us to work 90 hours a week like she is doing. i just can't do it physically. i was going to go in yesterday on my day off, but i slept until 10, and decided fuck that, i need my sleep! And i neeeded to do laundry to, almost out of clean underwear! i can not wait until Inventory is over. i can't wait till i get to see Mistress Gabrielle again. It has been too long! i need a session in the worst way. i don't know what it is, but there is something about getting a good caning that relieves so much stress! Still no word on my promotion. The waiting is killing me on that too. I hope i get the position and get to move to Pensacola. Well, not much else happened today, so take care of yourselves, and be safe.

boy

i was wondering....

2006-01-18T17:19:00.000-08:00

How do all of you have those nifty lists with all of our favorite bloggers out there? Or, in the case of BostonBoi, all those bloggers and the Gothic Babe of the week? (i really like that, by the way.) Is it easy? Is it hard? Is it time consuming? Inquiring minds want to know!

boy

my Day

2006-01-18T17:09:00.000-08:00

Was actually quite nice. i was going to go in to work for a few hours, on my day off, but just couldn't drag myself out of bed. So instead i slept until 10am today, when my Aunt called asking me for a favor. She asked if i would mind coming over to her place in about 30 minutes, she had to walk up to Wal-Mart to get a pair of jumper cables(it seems she left her lights on last night) and wondered if i could meet her when she got back to jump her car off. Of course, me, being who i am, asked her simply "Why don't i just give you a ride?" so we did that instead. i sometimes think it is a family trait to try and do things the hard way. i know i'm guilty of it. Just don't ask me why we do it. Anyway, i took her to get some jumper cables, and went back to her place and tried to jump her car off. Notice i said tried? Yeah, it seems she has a bad habit of leaving her lights on, usually about once a month or so. Turns out this time it was all her battery could stand. Tried for about 30 minutes to jump it off and no go. Nothing happening on that front. So i took her back up to Wal-MArt and bought a battery. We get back to her place and i ask her if she has any wrenches or pliers, and of course, she doesn't, so i have to drive back to my house, get some pliers, and go back over there. i replace the battery, and her car fires right up. (By the way, tho it seems that is a lot of driving, myself, my Aunt, and Wal-Mart are located in about a 1 mile radius, so it really wasn't that bad.) So there was my good deed for the day. Then i went back to my place, worked in my shed for a bit. Took a shower, then gathered up all my laundry, took it over to my parents, and did laundry. Pretty uneventful, but that is good. i have been sooo tired from working some long hours lately, and i needed the break.

No word yet on the new job front, but i am being patient and confident(confidence, this is new territory for me!) that things will work out.

Until next time....

boy

Some Feelings i Have...

2006-01-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

my life has been interesting these past 6 minutes, ever since i found Mistress Gabrielle to guide and teach me in the ways of D/s. She has been the best thing to ever enter my life. We clicked from the very beginning. i am a very shy person(now who would have thought that???) and it usually takes me a week or so to get up the nerve to talk to someone on the phone. But i called Her and talked to Her on the day we chatted for the very first time! i never expected to do that. And i actually talked and carried on a conversation! i am normally a lot of yes yes no no uh huh uh uh when i talk to someone on the phone for the first time, but not with Mistress Gabrielle. For some reason She just brings out the best in me. i couldn't even begin to tell you why, just that She does. Have you ever wondered about whether or not someone has the right person out there, somewhere waiting for them? Whether it be the right Wife, husband, soulmate, Mistress or MAster? Well, i truly believe that Mistress Gabrielle is the right Mistress for me. i have changed a lot in the 6 months we have known each other, and all for the better. i am a much better person now that i was 6 months ago. i am more in control of my life. More willing to take risks than i used to be. 6 months ago i never would have considered the possibility of moving away to another city to be close to someone. i liked living close to home. i liked being able to go see my parents whenver i felt like it, eat all their food, borrow cash frm them. But now i am more than willing to take another step in my life, and become even more independent. Of course, the added benefit of getting to see my Mistress a lot more often is just a bonus! As you can see, i am excited about this new step my life is taking. No word yet on the job, but as soon as i know something i will let you know, tho i am sure you will be able to hear me whoop for joy if i get it from wherever you may live :)

Take care of yourselves, and be safe.

boy

Don't Worry...

2006-01-15T17:32:00.000-08:00

As soon as i find something about my possible promotion/move, i will definately let you know! i just have to keep doing what i am doing and hope things fall into place for me. As long as i keep confident in myself and do my job the best i can do, things will work out for me. i am not sure how i am feeling right now. i know i am excited about the possibility of moving and being much closer to my Mistress. Yet i still am waiting for the other shoe to drop and crush me like a bug. i have had so many bad things happen in my life, it seems i am always looking for the bad before the good. It is something i need to change, but it is hard. i just can't seem to help myself. i always worry that the worst is going to happen to me. But maybe if my luck continues to hold i can stop looking for the negatives in life and begin to just enjoy life again...

boy

Last Night....

2006-01-14T13:27:00.000-08:00

i went ahead and applied for the Co-Managers Position where i work. i applied at the store in the Pensacola location. i figure that would be a good fit for me. Of course, it doesn't necessarily mean i will be getting the position at that store exactly, but there is a good chance. i am starting to look at rental places, but it is difficult trying to find things online in our area. For some reason people here seem hesitant to get online quite yet... But the next time MistresGabrielle comes over She is going to bring me a paper, a map, and some apartment/rental finder magazines so i can look through there and make some calls. i think one of the reasons i was hesitant to get excited over the possibility into my Mistress's home town is the fact that even tho we get along real well with each other, i wasn't sure if She wanted me living in Her back yard, so to speak. But She was just as excited about the possibility of this as i am, so it is all good. i definately feel like She is the One Mistress for me, i have no doubts about that at all. If i did, i would be more hesitant about moving. But i don't so i am more than willing to take this step. Plus it will also be good for me in many ways. i still rely way too much on my family at times, and this will force me to be more reliant on myself. However, if i do get in a bad bind, my parents still live only an hour and a half away, so i am not totally cut off. i an very excited about this. Could 2006 really be the Year of the boy???? boy

Opportunities...

2006-01-13T16:26:00.000-08:00

Today i had a long talk with my manager about promotion opportunities within the company. She feels i have more than shown myself able to manage and thinks i am ready to skip the Assistant Manager stage and go directly to Co-Manager. And usually a Co-Manager gets his or her own store within a year. i am going to go ahead and go online and apply for the postion, but the thing is i might have to move to a different location to get the position. i could get lucky and move to Pensacola, which is where MistresGabrielle lives. i could have to move to Panama City, which is a little farther away from where She is now, but it would be a change, and it is Panama City, Florida, close to Panama City Beach, Spring Break, and tons of girls in bikinis!!! Ooops, sorry, the male pig in me came out for a second... Or i could have to move somewhere further away, in New Orleans, Georgia, Mississippi, Tennessee, or whatever other states there are in the region. The company i work for actually pays a relocation allowance, which is a plus. My last job, Barnes & Noble, didn't, so if i do get a job in Pensacola, i would have some help with the initial move and costs with moving. This is something i am going to have to discuss with Mistress once she gets off work today, and she what she thinks.

i was also made aware of another opportunity that is about to present myself. The former Co-Manager, who left where i work not too long ago, recently got in touch with my brother asking him for phone numbers for several people at work. He is about to open his own business, and wants me to work for him, possibly run it with him. This again could be a good or bad thing. Good because i like the guy, and i would probably have a lot more flexibility with my schedule than i do now. i'm not sure about they pay or anything like that, but i am sure it would be comparable to what i make now, possibly a bit more. Bad because it is a privately owned, fresh started business. Will it last? Will he be able to pay me on a consistent basis if things start off slowly? There are so many question marks in taking a venture like this, you just never know if it will succeed or flop.

So, as you can see, i have a lot of thinking to do in the upcoming days and weeks. A lot of discussing pros and cons with my Mistress, and anyone else who has an opinion, really. i really want to know what you all think about this, and would like to know your opinions, and any experiences you may have had that are similar to what i am about to do. So please, feel free to leave comments, or e-mail me or whatever you feel you need to do. i truly want all opinions on this, so i can make the best decision for me. i know ultimately it is my decision, but at least if i make the wrong one i will have gone into this with both eyes open.

boy

Wow!!!

2006-01-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

Well, with so many people from my former blogging community moving to a new neighborhood, I think it is time for me to be more proactive on this blogging front as well. There has been a lot going on recently in my life, so when i am not so tired(tomorrow, maybe?) I will update all of you an how i am doing and how things are going for me.

Till then, take care of yourselves and be safe!

Christmas

2005-12-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over and done. I had a wonderful time. Got what I asked for, everyone was happy with what I got them. Food was good. No fighting amongst family members. I really enjoyed myself. I hope everyone else had a good Christmas.

I think...

2005-12-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

I will start blogging here more often. I can let my creativity and honesty flow more freely here, and allow me to express my feelings and thoughts without worrying about being censored. This way I can fully document my journey into submission and truly express myself. I hope you all enjoy it.

Welcome to My Blog

2005-10-27T05:50:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog. In my blog I am going to attempt to give you a little insight in what it is like to be me.

I am a submissive male who serves a Mistress willingly and happily. Nothing makes me happer than to hear her tell me I have done a good job, or is she calls me a good boy.

I like to write. I hope to one day be published, whether a book or a short story. One would be a start for me and I know I can do it. I just have to sit down and do it.

I like to build things. I have built most of the furniture in my house. It was done by need because my house is small and I have so much junk that I had to fit shelves in every available space I had.

I like sports. I am from Chicago originally, so I will probably blog about the mahy Chicago Sports teams that I follow. When it comes to college football, I am a Notre Dame fan. So I will probably have a few posts abut them in here.

I like movies, music and books, so expect a few posts about that in here as well.

So basically, as you can see. my blog will probably talk about many different things. Whatever is going on in my head that day I will blog about. Some will be coherent thoughts, others will be the ramblings of a lunatic. I hope you enjoy it.