Saturday, February 25, 2006

Back Update...

Well, i went to the docotr again this morning. They actually did x-rays on my back this time! i have no spinal damage, which is a good thing. It is just a pulled muscle. He gave me 2 more prescriptions, Ibuprofin and Loritabs. And i have to go back and see him on Tuesday, so that means no work for me until Thursday! i am relieved to hear that it isn't a major back problem. i was real nervous getting those x-rays and fearing what they would show me. So now to figure out how i am going to get paid for my missed time...


boy

Friday, February 24, 2006

Workers Comp Issues Suck....

Ok, as you may know, i hurt my back at work Monday. It still hurts. Bad. i can't afford to miss work, yet here i am, sitting at home because i can't stand or sit for more thna half an hour at a time without the pain getting to me. And i can take a lot of pain. Now i am getting a headache to go along with my back pain.

First, does anyone know a lot about Worker's Comp issues? If so PLEASE e-mail me. There is a link in my profile. Maybe you can answer some of my questions i am posting here.

Question 1: i had to leave work early to go to the ER for my back. i ended up missing 4 hours of work, and was put on light duty for the rest of the week. Since i missed those 4 hours due to an injury that occured at work, and had to go to the ER, shouldn't i get paid for them? i was told that since i don't have any sick time, i won't.

Well, i guess that was my main question, the rest of my headache stems from the following:

The company i work for has one provider you have to go see for work related injuries. However, when i called today, they are no longer taking on new patients! What in the hell am i supposed to do now? The peron at work in charge of payroll and all that stuff has no idea what i am supposed to do. She gave me the number to the corporate office and i called, got transferred to an answering machine, and i left a message. Hopefully i will hear something back. The Er doctor told me she thinks i might have a herniated disc. The pain i described is usually associated with that, but all i got was a shot and some painkillers/muscle relaxants, and i was told that if i don't start feeling better by the end of the week to schedule a follow up appointment. Well, i don't feel any better, i feel about the same, probably a little worse, and i am trying to schedule a follow up appointment. But again, they are not taking any new patients. i have a boss who thinks i did this on purpose. i'm so angry right now i want to just break things. Why do things have to be so complicated? i just want my back to feel better so i can go on with a somewhat normal life. Why is that so difficult????

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Addictions




As you may or may not know, i hut my back Monday at work. i was picking up a heavy planter pot, and my lower back popped, and it felt like someone ran a knife into my lower back right at the base of my spine. i went to the ER, got a shot and a prescription for 2 painkillers/muscle relaxents: Flexoril and Darvocet. So far i have only taken them once, as soon as i got back from the ER. i am hesitant to take them too often, because, you see, i have an addiction problem. i have an extremely addictive personality. i have been addicted to cigarettes, carmex(that crap is hard to stop!), and alcohol in my time. i have flirted with gambling, but not too much, mainly in high school playing stupid games for quarters and dollars. But i never know when to stop. i always ended up with no lunch money. i also was an alcoholic. Or is it i am an alcoholic? Since once you become one, you never really stop being one. You are just in remission. Not to offend anyone who is in remission from such diseases as cancer, but that is basically what an alcoholic goes into. They never get rid of the disease, it just goes away for a bit, and you never know when it might reappear. i like the taste of beer. i like the taste of liquor. The good stuff. The cheap stuff. It doesn't matter to me, because i like it all. And i have a curse where i can drink till 3 in the morning, and be up and at work and be fine, no hangovers, by 7. So my drinking never affected my job performance. But looking back i think it did affect my life. As i have said many times, i really am a shy, quiet guy. All through high school i spent most of my time alone, at home, reading or playing video games. i rarely went out. i also think that was because i was also a much different person back then. If all of you knew me back in high school, you wouldn't recognize me now, and you probably wouldn't have spoken to me back then. But that is for another blog. When i got into the AF, in basic training i didn't have much of a choice, but to be social. When you live in a room with 60 people, no walls dividing you, privacy isn't much of an option. I think the most important thing i learned in Basic is that people actually liked me. It was an awakening somewhat, of realizing how many different people i got along with. i seemed to know who i could joke around with, who i could talk to, and who to help and who would help me if the situation arose. i made it through basic with out too many problems, and went on to tech school. i made more friends. Since my family lived the closest to base, it was not uncommon for me to bring 3 guys home for the weekend to hang out and get away from it all. That was also the first time i started drinking. My parents didn't mind that i drank, they felt that if i was old enough to serve my country, then i should be old enough to drink. So i did. And i discovered i had a "talent" for it. i didn't drink that often in tech school, tho. i was still young and worried about getting caught drinking under age that it was not something i made a habit of, plus i wanted to make sure i made it through tech school, which i did, no problems there, and i rarely had to study. That is another of my gifts, if i write something down, i remember it. It helped me later when i got my computer networking degree and got a 4.0 gpa when i was finished. I went to my first base, Eglin, and immediately made friends with everyone in my dorm. Then the drinking started to get a bit more serious. But it really wasn't until my last 3 or 4 months there that i started to think i might have a problem. i had gotten tired of getting called in to help everyone else at work fix the problems with the equipment we maintained, so i started drinking as soon as i got off work, so i could say, sorry, but i have been drinking, i can't drive. i didn't mind helping with problems some of the time, but i was honestly getting called every single day. i don't blame them for calling me tho, since i was the best. i bet now, after having not touched the equipment in 7 years, i would still be one of the best. Then i got stationed in the UK. And that is probably where i realized i was an alcoholic. I drank every single night, and not just a little. Often it was a 12 pack and a bottle of something. IT didn't matter what that something was, just so long as it had an alcohol content. I spent New Year's Eve in London. Don't remember any of it except getting on the tube to go to Picadilly Circus and then waking up the next morning in the hotel room. I had taken all the shelving out of my mini fridge so i could stack it from the floor to the ceiling with beer. And i always had at least 2 cases of beer waiting to the side to restock. The top of my fridge was covered in bottles of various types of alcohol. Even if i wasn't eating, i was drinking. I lived like that for 2 plus years. Then i got out of the military and went home, where i continued my drinking. Finally, one morning, after having drank myself to sleep i sat there and wondered just why i was drinking. i couldn't find an answer. So i stopped. Just like that. i didn't buy any more beer. i didn't buy any more liquor. i just stopped. That was 4 years ago. Now i am presented with a dilemma with these pain pills. i have heard they are addictive. i know i have an addictive personality. Should i take them as prescribed? Or should i take them only when the pain is really bad? i honestly don't know. i don't need any more addictions in my life. Looking back, i realize how lucky i was i didn't kill myself when i was drinking. Amazing, really, when i think about the sheer volume of alcohol i consumed in my life. So as i sit here, and my back is flaring, i look at these prescription bottles and wonder if they will gain a hold in my life or not. I shake the bottles, listening to the rattle of the pills. i open them up and look at the pills inside. i touch the pills. i shake a few into my hand and look at them closely, then i put them back in their bottles. i close the lids. i then open a bottle of tylenol and take 2 instead. Am i doing the right thing? Am i looking into this too much? i don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. But better safe than sorry...


Jason

Monday, February 20, 2006

i got a new bracelet today...




i got it while i waited 4 hours in the emergency room after hurting my back at work. i was picking up a big ceramic pot, lifting properly like i am supposed to, but when i went to straighten up, i felt it popped and had a sharp pain in my lower back. i went and filled out an accident report, went to the ER, and was told it looked like i had a herniated disc at some point in my past and i just aggravated it. I got a shot, and a prescription for Darvocet and Flexeril.

What really made my day, however, was when i went back to work to tell my boss what happened. I explained what the doctor told me, about how i have to take it easy the rest of the week, about how i can't lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for the rest of the week. She treated me like i did this on purpose. When i first told her i hurt myself she acted like she didn't believe me. As i was leaving i told her i was going to the emergency room, she told me i had better bring back a doctor's note. I could hardly walk, where else was i going to go? my second job as a male stripper? And when i got back i got nothing but grief from her. i can't wait till she goes on vacation Thursday. She really is a Queen Bitch. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll get knocked over board, or maybe she'll go parasailing and the tow cable will snap and she'll go flying away never to be heard from again. One can only hope...


boy

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The Music Soundtrack of my Life....

i love music. If i where not able to listen to music, i think i would quite literally go insane. If i where to suffer an illness where i lost my hearing, it would devestate me. i think i could handle not being able to hear anything anymore, but i would still be able to see the beauty in the world. But to not hear music, would be the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me. i listen to so many different styles of music. i try not to tie myself down to one specific genre. In fact, i don't really look at music categories, i have come up with my own: Good and Crap. In fact, i don't relate past experiences to sites or general sounds, but to different music i was listening to at that moment. For instance, when my ex girlfriend left me, i was listening to Hoobastank's Unaffected , which if you look at the lyrics, it is actually very appropriate, since she told me she was leaving me and i let her live with me and sleep in the same bed with me for a week before she flew out to live with this other guy. Maybe i'll tell that story in another blog. When i was waiting for my first session with my Mistress, which was postponed because of Katrina, and other various issues that arose, the song that sticks out the most in my mind is Staind's Right Here. When i have been a long period between seeing or talking with my Mistress, the song that always pops into my head now is Nickelback's Savin' Me . Right now when i think about how i feel towards my Mistress, there are parts of songs that really stand out. One right now is one by Evans Blue, called Cold (But I'm Still Here. Parts of that really speak to me, especially the ending of the song. There are so many more songs that move me or speak to me. So many songs that make me cry every single time i hear them, and they are probably not songs you would expect to make me cry either, because i doubt many of you would think i listened to them. When i am not able to listen to music, while at work, i am always walking around singing to myself. And i have noticed that since i have quit smoking, my voice is getting a little bit better. You won't see me on American Idol anytime soon, but who knows, maybe i'll get serios about learning to play the guitar, after i finish my book that is. Speaking of writing my book, i can't write without music. i have tried, and i just can't do it. my fingers just move better across the keyboard with music playing, my brain goes on Auto Pilot and the thoughts just flow so much cleared from my brain to my fingers. I can't sleep to music, however. Because there always seems to be a song coming on right as i am about to drift off to sleep and i'll think to myself, "oooh! Good Song!" and sing along. So i don't listen to anything when i am trying to sleep. So how many of yo have a soundtrack to your life? Not just generic music for things that have happened or are hyappening in your life, but Actual songs that bring back specific memories about people, places, and things in your past? You name a song and i can probably tell you a specific memory of something i have done that the song reminds me of. Alice Cooper's Poison? One of the best lap dances i have ever gotten in my life. Dire Strait's Money for Nothing? Spending a summer with a buddy when i was a kid just riding our bike around the neighborhood, playing baseball, and exploring the creek and the woods around our houses, always with a boom box playing that song. Every song just about has a specific memory attached to it. Music is very much a part of who i am, and who i will be. As much as i like writing, i think i like music more. It's just who i am. i lose myself in the music, singing aloud, really feeling the music as it flows through me. i can't help it, and i wouldn't change it for anything.


boy

The links to the song lyrics posted throughout this blog post are courtesy of Lyrics Directory. Check them out, they have TONS of lyrics posted for TONS of bands.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Today...

...my Mistress sent me flowers where i work! i was totally not expecting that. She did ask for my work address the other day while we where talking, and i gave it to Her, but i never thought She would send me flowers! i have never gotten flowers before, from anyone or for anything, so it was quite a shock. It was very cool, tho i did have to make sure no one else i worked with read the card, since She signed it Mistress. That could have caused some interesting questions! i am so happy right now. And i confirmed that i am going to be off the 25th, so Mistress and i will have a long session that day. i can hardly wait!


boy

Sunday, February 12, 2006

More pics of me, Part 3


me with my ball gag in...

More Pics of me Part 2

Another View....

Some more pics of me....

Me in a floral nightie...

Today i...

...started writing again! i got the first 3 pages of what is sure to be my bestselling epic fantasy dwon on paper, so to speak. And i made backups. But i have the writing bug again, and the ideas are flowing wonderfully right now. Just load up a playlist on Windows Media Player and open up Word, and start banging away at my keyboard(with my fingers, you pervs!). So far i am really happy with what i have written. The trick is to not go back and reread any of it till i am done, or else i wil want to start editing it right away, and that is bad. So now the pattern is set. i will write some more every day, whether i want to or not. And hopefully by the beginning of next year i will be a published author!


boy

780...

birthday spankings is what i am going to receive when my Mistress next comes over. 65 per item, and She has 12 items, not counting the Cow Whip, and counting Her leather paddle twice, once for the smooth side and once for the studded side. Of course this all depends on whether or not i can handle that many lashes and whether or not She can give out that many, tho i am hoping to get all 780 in... If i am able to take all of those, and She is able to give me all those, then, assuming i am able to walk, we will tehn go to my shed and She will give me 65 with Her Cow Whip, since i have the room out there for Her to swing it. If we are able to do that, i will have received 845 lashes. i know that i will be more than happy to be off the following day, since i probably won't be able to sit or even walk the next day! Hopefully this will happen in the next couple weeks, and when i does i'll be sure to tell you how i did, and maybe even post a pic or 2 of my butt afterwards....


boy

Last Night i...

...Masturbated for the first tmie since December 26th. my Mistress, Mistress Gabrielle, told me after our last session before She left i could masturbate once ro twice depending on how far apart our next session was going to be. i was hoping She would be able to come over yesteray, but She was unable to. i had been holding off till after the next session, which is going to be a long one. Plus, i am going to get our birthday spankings during the next session. Yes, our birthday spankings. Mistress had her birthday at the end of December, and mine is Wednesday. 34 spankings for hers, and 31 for mine, for a total of 65. And if i am not mistaken, i think we agreed it would be 65 with each implement she owns. Which is a lot of spankings! But i can hardly wait! But back to last night. i was over at my parents house and had just finished doing my laundry and was getting ready to leave when there was a knock on my parent's door. i opened it and there where 2 girls i work with. Who i think are hot. Who i wouldn't mind hooking up with if Mistress where to allow it, either one at a time or both at the same time. They where coming over to pick up their Mardi Gras gowns that my mom was fixing for them. And they looked GOOD in their gowns! So the drive home i couldn't get them out of my head. I got on the Blogger Chat room and talked with the people there for abit, and the conversation was interesting... piercings, whips, rope bondage, a typical conversation for the chat room :) Well, when i went to bed i was still pretty turned on at seeing the 2 ladies i work with, so i decided i had a freebie, so i would masturbate. However, instead of thinking about them, i thought about my past session with my Mistress, and anticipating the next session with Her. i have a 15 minimum wait period before i can cum when i masturbate, which now, even without coming in such a long time, is not difficult for me to maintain. So there i was, laying there in bed, remembering the feel of the cane and anticipating the feel of the paddle. Eventually, about 20 minutes later, i came. And did i cum! i can't remember the last time i had ever cum so much! my stomach and chest where covered, and i had one shot that flew up and hit me in my chin. Now i am back on my restriction until Mistress tells me otherwise. But that is ok with me. i'll do anything to make her happy!


boy